Country Bear Jamboree

October 1, 1971 - present

PIANJO
Music by Don Robertson

[Henry]
Give me a little intro there Gomer.

(The bear starts to play "Pianjo," an instrumental song.)

Howdy folks. Welcome to the one and only original Country Bear Jamboree, featuring a bit of Americana, our musical heritage of the past. But enough of this chit chat, yick yack, and flim flam. Just refrain from hibernating, and we'll all enjoy the show...because we got a lot to give.

[Melvin]
Hey! He's a regular Liberace.

[Buck]
And he plays good, too.

THE BEAR BAND SERENADE
Lyrics by Xavier Atencio. Music by George Bruns

The Bear Band bears will play now
In the good ol' key of G.
Zeek and Zeb and Ted and Fred
And a bear named Tennessee.

Zeek's a-twangin' on the banjo
And a-tappin' with his feet.
While bangin' on a dishpan
With a real ol' country beat.

Zeb's a-sawin' on the fiddle
With a crooked hickory bow.
When the spirit moves that bruin,
He can make that fiddle go.

Brother Ted is on the corn jug.
Now, I mean that bear can blow.
He also plays the washboard
With a handle of a hoe.

And big Fred's playin' mouth harp.
He plays it kinda sad.
He never took a lesson,
He just picked it up from Dad.

And li'l ol' Tennessee Bear
Is a-featured on the thang.
Sounds just like a guitar,
But it's only got one string.

So clap your hands and
Stomp your feet and
Try to keep right with 'em.
One sure thing the Bear Band's go
Is real ol' country rhythm.

Yeah, clap your hands and
Stomp your feet and
Try to keep right with 'em.
One sure thing the Bear Band's got
Is real ol' country rhythm.

Ah ha!

FRACTURED FOLK SONG
Lyrics and music by Kenneth C. Burns and Henry D. Haynes

[Wendell]
Aren't you gonna help me out there a little bit Henry?
Goodness gracious, what cha' think we have you on the show fer?

[Henry]
Now Wendel!

[Wendell]
You're supposed to pick!

[Henry]
Now Wendell please!

[Wendall]
Ah, If you can't cut it, just lay out.

[Henry]
Well lets not fight now. We've got work to do here.

[Wendall]
Let's do it!!

Well heres a fractured folk song,
Yeah, Butchered by two birds.

We wrote these lousy lyrics,
And we also wrote the words.

The chords are very simple,
In fact huh, there's only three,
First comes G then C, and D.
And then go on back to G.
But you gotta be quick.

MY WOMAN AIN'T PRETTY (BUT SHE DON'T SWEAR NONE)
Lyrics and music by Frankie Starr and Paul E. Miller

[Henry]
And now, a heart rendering ditty, by our own growler of song, Liver Lips McGrowl. Sing it, Mac!

[Liver Lips]
I got a woman, she's got me.
Whatever we do, we both agree.
She ain't pretty, but I ain't too.
The things we like are the things we do.

My woman ain't pretty, but she don't swear none.
She's kinda heavy, don't weigh a ton.
She's my woman, through and through.
I lover her only 'cause my heart is true.

MAMA, DON'T WHIP LITTLE BUFORD
Lyrics and music by Kenneth C. Burns and Henry D. Haynes

Mama don't whip little Buford.
Mama don't pound on his head.
Mama don't whip little Buford.
I think you should shoot him instead.

[Henry]
Bang!

Yes, folks, we only have high class stuff on this show.

TEARS WILL BE THE CHASER FOR YOUR WINE
Lyrics and music by Dale Davis and Leroy Goates

[Henry]
And now here is a special treat out of Tampa. A little bit of ever-loving cuddlesome fluff. Our own little Trixie!

[Trixie]
Tears will be the chaser for your wine.
After you leave this love of mine.
Bright lights and taverns,
That's where you'll spend your time.
And tears will the be chaser for your wine.

[Henry]
Beautiful, beautiful. That was a mighty big song, Trixie.

[Trixie]
Oh, thank you, Henry.

PRETTY LITTLE DEVILISH MARY
Lyrics and music by Bradley Kincaid

When I was young and in my prime,
I thought I never would marry.
But I fell in love with a pretty little gal,
And sure enough we married.

Atta-boy, Zeke!

Ring-a-ding-ding Mary,
Prettyiest little gal, I ever did see.
Her name was Devilish Mary.

What a gal!

Hadn't been married but about two weeks,
She got as mean as the devil.
And every time I looked cross-eyed,
She'd hit me on the head with a "shevil."

How sad.

Ring-a-ding-ding Mary,
Prettiest little gal, I ever did see.
Her name was Devilish Mary.

What a pity.

Her name was Devilish Mary.

HOW LONG WILL MY BABY BE GONE?
Lyrics and music by Buck Owens

How long is forever?
How soon is now or never?
How long will this heartache linger on?
And how long will my baby be gone?

ALL THE GUYS THAT TURN ME ON TURN ME DOWN
Lyrics and music by Plot and Powell

[Henry]
Now, here they come. Those three little sun bonnets from the sunshine state. Bunny, Bubbles, and Buelah.

[Sun Bonnets]
Everytime I meet a guy who gets me shook,
All I ever get from him's a dirty look.
It's the same way, everywhere I've found.
All the guys that turn me on, turn me down.

All the guys that turn me on, turn me down.
Nothing works for me that I found.
It's the same way everywhere I see.
Nothing ever seems to work for me.
Nothing ever seems to work for me.

Doodle doodle do-do-do bum bump.

IF YA CAN'T BITE, DON'T GROWL
Lyrics and music by Tommy Collins

One night I left the wife at home,
And went out with the boys.
I was acting like a Don Juan,
And making a lot of noise.

You old lover boy!

A go-go girl caught my hand,
I said, "I can't. I'm a married man."
She said "If you ain't gonna steal,
You better not prowl."
"He's a born loser."
Don't do-si-do with a go-go.
If you can't bite, don't growl.

If you can't bite, don't growl.

HEART, WE DID ALL THAT WE COULD
Lyrics and music by Ned Miller

[Henry]
Now, here she is. That delightful, delicate, dedicated, dimple darling of the Dakotas. The last of the big time swingers. Swinging Teddi Berra. Swing it, Teddi!

[Buck]
Wow-wee! Here she comes!

[Teddi]
Well, there he goes.
He hardly knows
The heart he's breaking.

[Henry]
Lovely, lovely.

[Teddi]
I talked to him,
But I don't think
He understood.

[Buck]
Oh, sing it gal.

[Teddi]
Oh, just forget
About the plans
That we were making.

[Henry]
My, my.

[Teddi]
Heart, we did all that we could.

You all come up and see me some time, ya hear?

[Henry]
Yeah. As soon as I find a ladder, I'll be right up! Uh-huh.

BLOOD ON THE SADDLE
Lyrics and music by Everett Cheetham

There was blood on the saddle.
And blood all around.
And a great big puddle
Of blood on the ground.

Hehehe.

THE BALLAD OF DAVY CROCKETT
Lyrics and music by Tom Blackburn and George Bruns

Born on a mountain top in Tennessee.
Greenest state in the land of the free.
Raised in the woods, so he knew every tree.
Tamed him a "b'ar" when he was only three.

Davy. Davy Crockett. King of the wild frontier.

Up through the woods, he's a marching along.
Making up yarns, and a'singing his song.
Itchin' for fighting, and righting a wrong...

OLE SLEW-FOOT
Lyrics and music by H. Hausey

Well, he's big around the middle,
And he's broad across the rump.
Running ninety miles an hour,
Making thirty feet a jump.

He's never been cornered,
And he's never been treed.
Some folks say he looks a lot like me.

High on the mountain,
Tell me what do you see?
Bear tracks, bear tracks,
Looking back at me.

Better get your rifles,
Before it's too late.
Bear's got a little big,
And he's headed through the gate.

He's big around the middle,
And he's broad across the rump.
Running ninety miles an hour,
Making thirty feet a jump.

He's never been cornered,
And he's never been treed.
Some folks say he looks a lot like me.

COME AGAIN (COME ON IN)
Lyrics and music by Tom Adair and George Bruns

[Henry]
Well, folks, this concludes our show. So thanks for "Bear"ing with us to the "bear" end, and "bear"-el around to see us again. What do you say, Sammy?

[Sammy]
I say you all come back, ya hear?

[All]
We hope that you'll be coming back again.
That you'll drop in and see us now and then.
We've done our very best to please.
With just the "bear" necessities.
We hope that you'll be coming back again.

Come again.
Come again.
The welcome mat is always out,
'Cause seeing you is fun.

We hope that you'll be coming back again.
That you'll drop in to see us now and then.
We've had such fun, we're going to cry.
We just can't "bear" to say goodbye.
We hope that you'll be coming back again.

Don't forget to gather your belongings.

And you husbands, too.

It's been good to have you.

So long, folks.